QuarAntine 15 (Part II):
An Anti-Shame Way of Meeting Your Goals and Loving Yourself
Thoughts from Your Practitioner, Sam Golden, LMFT, CMHC
Note: I found it very difficult to select an image for this blog, as I wanted to make sure I was not an advocate for diet culture. I also didn't want people who saw this image to feel under-represented or invisible, so I decided to choose an image that spoke of motivation, instead of what you "should" look like.
5. Make it fun. If we look at this like a chore, we’re not going to stay motivated (this is why my friend and I were so reluctant to start). Make this journey fun. Picture Quarantine-15 as an enemy you must vanquish, and every time you make baby steps, you’re giving it the middle finger, or stabbing it in the gut. Find challenges you can do with friends (virtually or in person), or through your fitness watches if you have one. Research foods that are in season, and find a dish you can make with them. Find a new trail you can explore with beautiful views, start exercising in your favorite way (swimming, tennis, hiking, walking, dancing, etc), go to farmer’s markets when they’re not crowded, have zoom meetings with friends and family about different meals you’ve made. Personally, I prefer competition, so I’ve connected with my partner and sister on a fitness app, and try to get more badges and steps than them so I can talk smack later (this almost always backfires on me, but it’s fun and I do it anyway). Having a fitness buddy isn’t always about accountability, it’s about connection and acceptance.
6. Find health apps that speak to you.These apps help create some accountability, and can track your progress to increase your motivation! MyFitnessPal can help track your calories, and recommend recipes that are helpful. My family has had great success with Noom, which you have to pay for, but can be a good investment in your mental and physical health. It helps you track your meals, but also instructs you on good food to eat, and helps you change your relationship with food. You can also explore fitness apps and step count apps that are free to use that help you connect with your friends! Find what makes sense to you, otherwise you won’t use it.
7. Moderation. Telling yourself you can’t ever have something again is a great way to have more of it than you planned. So, if I want that gummy blue shark, I am definitely going to have it, but I will look at the serving size, and allocate that amount to myself either right away, or throughout the day. Mindful eating is a great way to savor what you have instead of feeling like you got shorted. Take time to enjoy the amount you have, feel it on your tongue, take small bites, and know that there is plenty left for the next day. When we know that we can get something anytime, we are less likely to go into “starvation” mode and eat all of it in one go.
8. Limit shame through sharing. Shame is like Devil Snare, or Demogorgons in the Upside down. It likes the dark and damp. It likes to be hidden in your mind so it can whisper deprecating thoughts in your ear. Shine a light on it by sharing it with others and watch it shrivel into dust! Remember, you are going to fall, slip, and tumble your way through this. So will everybody else! Find someone you trust to share your “failings” with, who will say “oh my gosh, same!” and then lift you up. Shame limits us, and leads to decreased motivation and self-esteem. You are not going to be able to bully yourself into lasting change. Take a breath, and remember that even if you did one shift or pivot today, you still made progress because something is better than nothing. Even if you did nothing productive that day, share it, have compassion for it, and start moving again tomorrow. “I love you, I’m sorry, I forgive you, Thank you”.
Don’t shame yourself. Don’t shame others.
P.S.
If you have been waiting for this blog post's Part II to be posted, I apologize for the delay! I, Amanda Gonzalez, MSW, LCSW, (Co-Founder, Marketing Specialist, and Mental Health Specialist) just returned from pregnancy leave. Since my return, I have been what I would call "foggy" with recall. That said, I did not forget about this post, as Sam's words are particularly impactful (in my opinion), I just had a human moment and needed a little more time. Stay tuned for more bloggy goodness from our team. Also, we hear that Sam is creating her own blog spot. Stay tuned for following that, too!
Quarantine-15 (PART I):
An Anti-Shame Way of Meeting Your Goals and Loving Yourself
Thoughts from Your Practitioner, Sam Golden, LMFT, CMHC
Note: I found it very difficult to select an image for this blog, as I wanted to make sure I was not an advocate for diet culture. I also didn't want people who saw this image to feel under-represented or invisible, so I decided to choose an image that spoke of motivation, instead of what you "should" look like.
Part 1
Last week, I was on a zoom call with my former college roommate, catching up after 3 years since we last had a get-together. We are terrible at keeping in touch, and frequently work on opposite schedules and on opposite sides of the country. We were on the call for hours until, like teenagers at a sleepover, we could no longer keep our eyes open. We talked about our new apartments, what life has been like since we last saw each other 3 years ago…and our struggle with the ‘quarantine 15’. We were both able to talk directly about our shame around gaining weight during the pandemic, as well as our reluctance to do something about it. We laughed about “getting to it later, after the holidays, definitely” but after that conversation, I weirdly felt more motivated to do something about it. Likely because I had talked with someone, and instead of shaming each other, we normalized, and acknowledged the struggle together.
This pandemic has turned everyone’s life upside down, and has created a lot of stress and uncertainty. In the beginning, some people just tried to cope and tread water, while others took this as an opportunity to catch up on activities and projects, they never felt they had time for when they were working full-time. I was definitely in that realm where I took the time to read the pile of books that had been staring at me for years, bake bread, cross-stitch and garden. I actually found myself overwhelmed with the number of projects I could do with this time, which lead me to be in a constant battle with myself over feeling guilty for not taking full advantage of my time, and actually enjoying the projects I was engaging in. I wanted to take the time to walk and enjoy the weather, but the one time I went to the park it was completely packed, so I decided I was going to literally “stay at home” hence the weight gain! I had been to this place before when I had gained 10lbs, got on MyFitnessPal, and took it off…and here we go again. The endless yo-yo of weight. I always know when this time comes because my pants magically start becoming uncomfortable one day, and it made me channel my inner Regina George, “These sweatpants are the only thing that fits me right now”. I become so annoyed and reluctant to buy a whole new wardrobe that I begin the process of working to remove the weight that I’ve gained. Health in general has been a long process for me, because it felt like I was being told what to do with my life, and I could rebel against it and do what I want. It took a long time to learn how to let go of the tight hold I had on unhealthy habits, be kind to myself, be vulnerable, and listen to what I was telling my clients. I want to be clear, this is not about body image, or me shaming you into having this goal. If you share this goal, great! If you don’t, that’s wonderful too. We are all different, beautiful, wonderful humans, and body weight will not change that. So, if this does happen to be your goal, here’s what I’ve learned, and am still learning:
8 Tips for fighting off the Quarantine-15
1. Change your relationship with food. We have heard this time and time again that “comfort food” leads to unhealthy eating habits. That’s probably why we have a hard time breaking them; someone is telling us not to do it! When we talk about binge-eating, or over-eating, it often stems from people in our past telling us we couldn’t have a particular food, or it was limited in some capacity. As adults, we can buy our own food and give the middle finger to that person while we gorge on it. For me, it used to be Dr. Pepper. Soda was very limited in my household, which meant as soon as I got a job, I was drinking about 4-5 cans a day on a good day! It took a long time to realize that these people in my head that I was giving the middle finger to couldn’t see me, and didn’t care that I was doing that to myself. I eventually realized that no one is going to keep it from me, it’s not in short supply, and I am in control of my own intake. Now I drink mostly tea and water, and only reach for my emergency Dr.Pepper when I’m yawning a lot while working. The same goes for candy, donuts, and any other sugary surprise I could get my hands on. It’s realizing the power that you can have some of this food always, and savoring the little bit that you give yourself is a lot more enjoyable than eating your whole supply.
2. Self-compassion. To the previous point, if we do end up eating our entire supply, we end up repeating the pattern if we shame ourselves for doing it. Self-compassion is the antidote to shame. As Brenè Brown says, guilt and shame are very different. Guilt means that you did a bad thing, but you are not a bad person, so you change your behavior. Shame means you did a bad thing, and that means you are a bad person, so why would you change? Self-compassion can come in many different forms, but sometimes telling ourselves “it’s okay” can be the simplest. We don’t even have to wait until the next day to do this. Challenge yourself to act differently during the next opportunity instead of the next day. This can increase compliance! A technique that can also help is saying the following things to yourself in the mirror at the end of each day: “I love you, I’m sorry, I forgive you, thank you”. It’s going to sound ridiculous and silly at first, but pay attention to which one of those words speaks the most to you at the end of the night, and reflect on that. Also remember, this is a pandemic, you’re allowed to be struggling and depressed. I wouldn’t be writing this blog if you were the only one struggling! Normalize the struggle, and look for growth, not perfection.
3. Baby steps. Change is not linear, and oftentimes it helps to make small changes over time instead of trying to completely re-route your life. Find a healthy recipe, get excited about it, and make it once during the week. Make a small decision to eat at home instead of eating out. Choose nuts over Halloween candy, put hummus on your toast instead of butter. Celebrate the wins instead of shaming yourself over the losses. Not only will this increase overall happiness, but it will increase motivation to continue to make small changes to eventually get to your goal. Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.
4. Pivot. As I mentioned in the first tip, our relationship with food is important. Ask yourself, “Am I really hungry, or is there an underlying emotion/need I’m trying to fill here”? When we acknowledge the power it has over us, (yes, it does have power), we can take better control of that power, and pivot to something more beneficial. For example, when I’ve been thinking about that blue gummy shark all day, I’ll pivot to carrots and hummus, or I’ll get out of the kitchen all together, and go outside to get the mail, or go for a walk. Because it’s getting cold outside, I’ve transitioned to walking around my house while reading. To me, this rationalizes to my brain that I’m not wasting time, and I set my timer on my phone for 45 min, and pace around the house, sometimes up and down the stairs to get my heart rate up. I would recommend getting all the stuff off of the floor before doing this, and practice going up and down the stairs so you don’t injure yourself. You can also pivot to other things that give you comfort: make some tea, play with your fur babies if you have them, play with your human babies, read, journal, write in your planner, zoom with a friend, stretch. Basically, do those things that you tell yourself you don’t have time to do.
Hit the FIND OUT MORE button to check out resources for Part I.
From the Heart of Care, Comes Uncommon Care
Thoughts from Your Practitioner, Brenda Dowse, MSW, LCSW
As a social worker, I have faced many challenges, yet these current times have been some of the hardest I have faced in my professional career! My work is mainly done face-to-face with the person in the same room. So. . . how do I make that happen when a pandemic strikes?
Telehealth is how I make this happen.
However, it comes with a cost…
An Open Letter
Dear Clients,
I realize this was forced situation on both of us when we were suddenly faced with a worldwide pandemic. I am pretty sure we all thought that we would be happily “back to normal” by now and back in the office (not that I know what normal is on a good day). However, as time goes on and this virus continues to take human lives, I am once again faced with another dilemma.
How do I safely return to face-to-face work with you, my wonderful clients? Do I stay with telehealth, which has so many struggles, especially when working with children?
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
~Maya Angelou
With much thought and sleeplessness, I have chosen to stay with telehealth. For many of you this is probably not the answer you were hoping for. Below are the reasons why I have chosen to stay with telehealth. I do hope when you are finished reading my reasoning, you will have a better understanding of why I continue to make this decision.
· First: I am just trying to wrap my head around the idea of how to socially distance safely in my office and manage the deep cleaning that is needed in between each session without taking precious minutes away from our time together.
· Secondly: There are the surfaces - so many surfaces - and items that need to be cleaned and disinfected, which would lead to me pretty much emptying out my office and creating a very sterile space. At least in your own home you can reach for a soft blanket for comfort; in my sterilized office I could only offer you a soft tissue and then make very sure it makes it in the trash before you leave.
· Thirdly: Once I can figure all that out, then there is paperwork needed to make your session happen. I would have to have you sign a form stating that you are aware of the risks of COVID-19 and are still willing to enter the space. I’d also be required to create a contact log “in case you get the virus.” I’d also be required to take your temperature and then ask you questions about your current health. On top of all of this I would need to require you to wear a mask. No, a face shield is not enough protection; a mask would still be required.
· Finally: Once all of this is done and we are able to meet face-to-face, the anxiety would set in for me. Yes, I said anxiety!
Anxiety, Worry, and Wondering:
Did I do the right thing by seeing you face-to-face in my office?
Did I do the right thing by possibly exposing us to this virus?
Then the worry of “the dreaded phone call” would come in… You know, the one where one of you states that you have tested positive for the virus? Now, not only do I need to get tested, but the rest of my clients need to be contacted and I would get to report my contact log to the appropriate authorities.
Next, there are the anxieties of waiting for the test results:
How sick will you get?
Did I possibly give this virus to my other clients?
Will you have access to testing?
What if you might not be able to get tested?
What if I give this virus to my own family (whom I have tried hard to protect for the last four months)?
What if everything I have worked so hard for could possibly be gone or significantly changed because I got sick?
So Much to Think About
It is with this worry and a heavy heart that I have decided that telehealth is the safest way I can continue to be there for you, my family, my friends, and myself for now.
Do I miss seeing each and every one of you? Yes, yes I do. I miss laughing together and crying together. I miss handing you a box of tissues to dry your tears or a chocolate candy because “it has been one of those days” (For those of you I have not shared chocolate with, I do need to change that when we do meet again!).
In the meantime, I will look forward to talking through our electronics and doing what I can to make sure both of us live to see the day we can meet face-to-face again. Take care of you,
Brenda
Pictured: Brenda offering a piece of chocolate
Interview with Jacob L.
January, 2020
Jacob Lopez - from now on, referred to as Jacob L. (we have two Jacobs on staff now cause Jacobs are THE best) - is one of ERC’s newest staff members! He joins ERC as an Associate Clinical Mental Health Counselor (ACMHC) who graduated from Antioch University, New England. Jacob L. and Gala (our Administrator) sat down to have a short interview. Read on to get to know Jacob L. a bit better!
Gala: How did you decide on this career path?
Jacob: I decided on this career path due to some challenges in my youth, starting at the age of eight. I was sitting in a therapy session with my Mom at the time, and I remember just staring at the therapist saying in my head that I would like to do this one day. Then I slowly just followed the career path to becoming a therapist. I took all the psychology and sociology classes in high school and continued to get my bachelor's in psychology and then my master's in clinical mental health.
Gala: What experience do you bring to ERC?
Jacob L.: I bring my positive attitude and outlook to ERC, as well as my educational background in mental health, and my general experience in healthcare work.
Gala: What makes you excited about joining the ERC team?
Jacob L.: One of the main things that I have noticed is that ERC is close, like a family, which makes me excited to work on this team. I am also happy to learn from everyone; they each have something unique to offer.
Gala: Who is your ideal client?
Jacob L.: My ideal client is an individual who is ready and willing to come to therapy and put forth the work.
Gala: How can your clients benefit from therapy with you?
Jacob L.: Clients can gain a better understanding of themselves, their goals, and their values through working with me. Clients can also develop skills to improve relationships.
Jacob L. has a relaxed therapy style and is dedicated to helping his clients become the best versions of themselves. He is ready to use his skills to help you overcome any obstacles. If you would like to schedule an appointment with Jacob L., please call our Administrator, Gala, at 385.800.3272
